“Forgive me, please. I must speak candidly and say that which cannot be said easily.” These were my words as I helped a woman face death today.
Death . . . it was just on the other side of the door. I knew she needed to know. It was a choice between dying in her own home, or dying in an ambulance on the way to another attempt to continue living. The disease had already destroyed her; it was just a matter of time before it was evident to all. Hospice—despite its goal to bring a sense of calm and care—brings a fateful truth that some are not ready to accept.
This is the toughest part of my days—finding, or saying, those words. Sometimes it is about the simple reality: Death is near. Other times it is necessary to impart knowledge about the mechanics of how a body dies. Still other times I have to ask, or answer, the difficult questions: Who will be around at the time of death? How will you manage your symptoms? How do you truly prepare—saying or doing what you want most while you still can?
The ultimate determination is theirs to bear, but human decisions don’t always have power over death.
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