Only the Beginning

Most days my work involves entering into people’s lives where they live—in their home, their apartment, their room. Being granted this privilege means I am privy to their personal life, their family, their reality. While I enter with and maintain a hyper vigilance to all that I might observe and note, mostly I listen. I listen to what is said to me and what is said to others; and I listen for the opportunities to ask the better questions that might help me learn more about each person’s truth.

I arrive prepared to deal with almost anything. I walk into the home and family situation with no preconceived ideas about what I might encounter. I enter with peace and I demonstrate respect.

Because I’m not family, I often am able to get to the issues that the family members cannot see or hear or even be told. Family relationships of every ilk are so thick, and dense, and fragile, and pure, and true, and old, and new, and scary, and full of anger and history or no history at all. For any or all of these reasons it is difficult for family to hear and to know the truth that an old, vulnerable person needs to say or to be told.

Dialogue, unconditional regard for self and other, and compassion are the components of relational unity; they are fundamental to a non-violent approach to practice. This is my approach to elder care, and I apply this practice to long-term care planning, palliative care, and end-of-life care.

I hope to share my own experiences in working with elders and families and I seek comments from others who have experiences and perspectives to share. I invite a dialogue with the world about growing old, caring for the old, and anything worthy to share or question about this process.

All of us will either die young or grow old. We might as well live fully and share a little love and respect along the way.